Louise Mathewson - Author & Poet

"A gem is not polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials." Proverb

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HOPES FOR THIS NEW YEAR?

Posted on February 8, 2018 at 7:00 AM

Can you believe it?  It's February in a new year already! As we have stepped into a new year, some well-meaning people might ask us "how are your New Year's resolutions going?” Many people bow their heads, look to the side with a lopsided grin, their tone of voice falls and…you know how it goes.


I made a resolution a few years back to not make resolutions any more, and I’m doing great!! (Read my story) Instead of resolutions, I now make wishes!!


My first wish for myself this year is a good night’s sleep!!  Many with brain injuries have sleep probems. More on that in a couple weeks. My second wish is that I get more regular about blogging. I’m leery of tying myself to any specific time table because, with a traumatic brain injury, it all depends on my physical resources, how I feel, and/or what I might be stressed about, on any given day. That’s another story, (resources after TBI), in a future blog!


A couple years ago I took a blogging class online with Susannah Conway! It was fantastic!! I loved it!!! I love all her classes! (if you don’t know about Susannah, I highly recommend all her classes.) However, when it ended I floundered for a while, with a lack of community and accountability, and then life stresses intervened. The longer I was away, the harder it was to get back. My confidence washed away into an ocean of fears…exposure, imperfect writing, exposure, a blank mind, exposure, insecurity about the value of my work, exposure, lack of organization, and once again exposure.


As you can tell, fear of exposure is a big one for me. As an oldest child in a troubled and dysfunctional family, if I didn’t do the adult thing from 2+ years on, my little mind told me I had failed. So shame and fear became my constant companions. I don't like to be on any kind of stage. A traumatic brain injury magnified my insecurities. Blogging is for sure a public stage. (In a few weeks, I'll tell you about my first "stage" experience.) If you could see how many times, I've revised this post, you'd laugh, or you'd commiserate!


I’m an introvert and really don’t mind being alone.....most of the time. My mind is full of memories, ideas, things to think and feel about. My imagination has lots of juice, and nature gives me so much joy! I've devleoped a love of taking pictures, because it's another form of expression, and for the story and wisdom nature often gives us.


So I’d like to say I’m back, but I kinda don’t trust follow-through, you know, with the challenges that a brain injury has given me!


What are your wishes, dreams, or resolutions for yourself in this New Year?



Phtoto Credit: Louise Mathewson



A Life Interrupted: Living with Brain Injury

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7 Comments

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Reply Louise Mathewson
8:22 AM on October 10, 2019 
PegE says...
My wishes for 2018 (and beyond) center around moving out of ?survival? mode in caring for my mother and assisting my husband in living with his TBI sequelae, and doing what I can to enjoy living ?now? rather than in some future in which all stresses are gone. (Ha!)


I totally "get" trying to get out of survival mode! I am so very sorry about your mom's passing. I hope you are comforted by memories of her and that she is no longer in any pain, psychological or physical! On TBI, I am taking a writing class, and hope to work up the courage to post more about things that have helped me, and might help others! And I'd like to tell the ongoing story of living with TBI. Few people can see when I don't understand, how I may struggle to understand, may respond from a place of not understanding, and so am way off. Then I get threatened, shamed, dismissed, treated like I'm stupid or annoying. They have no compassion because they think I'm working with my old brain, that I'm smart, or that I know so much. They can't see how I am often responding from or with confusion. And they can't see how much my empathy has grown, and that I'm often responding from a place of empathy for others. And it just hurts to not be understood.
Reply Louise Mathewson
8:12 AM on October 10, 2019 
hÐ?Ò?rt vatten hÐ?Ò?r says...
Appreciating the commitment you put into your blog and in depth information you provide. It's awesome to come across a blog every once in a while that isn't the same unwanted rehashed material. Fantastic read! I've bookmarked your site and I'm adding your RSS feeds to my Google account. hÐ?Ò?rt vatten hÐ?Ò?r bistle.awombud.be/map14.php hÐ?Ò?rt vatten hÐ?Ò?r


Thank you!! I fell behind again, got distracted by health stress. I hope to be back soon. I'm taking a writing class, actually journaling which is where my blogs flow from.
It looks like you are from another country. The keyboard seems a bit different. Would you like to share?
Reply hÐ?Ò�rt vatten hÐ?Ò�r
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Reply PegE
12:35 PM on February 11, 2018 
My wishes for 2018 (and beyond) center around moving out of ?survival? mode in caring for my mother and assisting my husband in living with his TBI sequelae, and doing what I can to enjoy living ?now? rather than in some future in which all stresses are gone. (Ha!)