Fall-ing Down a Rabbit Hole

Originally posted October 26, 2015 | Refreshed for LouiseMathewson.com

Fall has arrived, and once again, I feel myself tumbling into a quiet, shadowed space—like slipping down a rabbit hole. The Florida air is cooler now, inviting midday walks and open windows. That should lift my spirits. But still, something in me feels dimmed. Maybe it’s my sensitive, healing brain. Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s simply the season whispering its own truths.

Back in Chicago, where I grew up, fall was a celebration of color—warm, vibrant, and alive. When we lived in Minneapolis, I walked daily in autumn’s glow. Trees dressed in crimson, gold, and fiery orange lit up the streets. Florida, by contrast, offers no such display. The novelty of palm trees and ocean breezes is fading. I miss the colors. Thankfully, Facebook offers glimpses of northern autumns, and I savor each photo like a postcard from a former life.

Even here, the days are growing shorter. I’ve spoken with others who feel their moods dip this time of year. One article I read suggested that sensitive souls often mirror the season’s energy—winding down, turning inward. After my traumatic brain injury, I’ve become even more attuned to these shifts. Nature prepares for rest, and so do I. My energy softens, my thoughts deepen, and I find myself reflecting on the year behind me.

So I challenged myself: What gifts has this year brought?

I traveled in nearly every month—February through July, and again in September. I reunited with a beloved cousin in Chicago after 30 years apart. I visited old friends and family in Minnesota, Chicago, Boulder, and New York. I celebrated birthdays with my grandsons, planned ocean adventures during spring break, and explored Key West with my son, his wife, and their sweet Chiweenie, Angel. I met the magical key deer and felt wonder again. I attended my 50th high school reunion—an unforgettable reconnection with classmates who knew me “back when.”

Despite all that joy, I don’t miss the cold. I don’t miss the long winters, the snow, the icy sidewalks, or the feeling of being trapped indoors for half the year. I don’t miss slushy parking lots or the fear of slipping.

But I do miss autumn’s rituals.

I miss walking beneath trees dressed in brilliant leaves. I miss the crunch of those leaves underfoot. I miss the crisp air, the fleece layers, the fireplace flickering in the evening. I miss the scent of burning leaves from childhood, raking with my kids, and jumping into leaf piles. I miss simmering soups and cozy movie nights wrapped in blankets.

And I miss my children. So very much. The tears come now, gently. This rabbit hole, it turns out, is a tender place to let them fall.

What does fall stir in you?

#SeasonalShifts #NatureAndMemory #BrainInjuryJourney